Christmas and the New Year have come and gone, and as every year before there were good moments and bad nessled into a holiday I sadly no longer truely enjoy. I get through it, try to have a good time - but some of the bliss as it were has tarnished and gone by the wayside.
I know why this is, and until such a day as I mayhap start my own family and my own traditions, this is the way things will be.
All told, content with this fact is better then the alternative.
So this morning, as with many of the previous mornings as I've sat here at my desk at work - guiding the technical drones and poking at a few stores to correct minor issues I've found myself... restless.
I'm ready for a change. I'm not yet sure what that change might be - but I think its time to start looking for it.
Ten years ago, I was looking forward to graduating highschool and then moving onto college in what seemed like a very bright career... doing something. Back then I wasn't sure, and in my various attemps at college I've poked at Computer Science, Computer Hardware and even Criminal Justice.
None of the above were ever pursued long, and while the reasons were many to that end, the reality of it was I just didn't enjoy that type of learning anymore. I love to learn - its one of the few joys in my life that has never quit giving - but sitting in a classroom surrounded by increasingly young seeming faces listening to a well meaning proffessor drone on while I tried to take notes just didn't take.
So I learned in other ways. In the past ten years I've run a business, worked in fabrication and packaging of various computer components, packaged oatmeal, made pizzas, dug ditches, sold toys, worked construction, built floor trusses, and of course, done lots, and lots of tech support. Each of these jobs and or occupations has taught me something. Sometimes it was as simple as knowing that I never wanted to do that again if I could help it.
Sometimes it was something deeper, like finding something that truely satisfied me, but didn't pay the kind of wage I could live on.
My current job is something of a combination of all those things. I really did used to love this job, and I still enjoy it. I like puzzling out problems, proving that I know how to solve them, and more importantly am *good* at this job.
I don't begrudge my fellows who have college degrees. They worked their way up in a different path then I did -thats all. For better or worse, I chose, at least for a time to forgo college and prove myself other ways.
This has closed a lot of doors for me that I'd be interested in, but has opened others. I know at this point I've probably gone as far as I can go in my current job. To go farther and look into new things I'd need to find a new employer, and very likely - due to my lack of degree, start at the bottom again.
I'm not afraid of the bottom - its very easy to get noticed there if you do things right.
But - I'm not quite ready to go back to that yet. So for now I'm biding my time, with my ear to the ground as it were. Ten years has given me a fair number of contacts, and every now and then, I hear about something that might interest me. I've let a few of the ones in the past few years go... but now I think maybe it'll be time for something new. I'm not sure what that will be yet. It could just be a part time job, learning a new trade.
Maybe it'll be a new career.
Maybe I'll meet a good woman and settle down proper like.
I don't know.
But - I know I'm ready for a change.
Now, I just have to go out and meet it.